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About Literature / Hobbyist Core Member Rob CarrièreMale/Netherlands Recent Activity
Deviant for 2 Years
19 Month Core Membership
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Newest Deviations

Literature
How to pan a toum
vroom, zoom
how do you write a pantoum?
boom, doom
watch that task loom
how do you write a pantoum?
first you set up the lines
watch that task loom
then find the rhymes
first you set up the lines
as many stanzas as you need
then find the rhymes
odds and evens, very neat
as many stanzas as you need
but end ties back to start.
odds and evens, very neat,
watching line length would be smart
but end ties back to start
and each to the one preceding.
watching line length would be smart
but it's not a rule, we're conceding
and each to the one preceding
even lines become odd.
but it's not a rule, we're conceding,
for the whole to have a plot
even lines become odd
except the last stanza is flipped
for the whole to have a plot
poor first stanza must be tripped!
except the last stanza is flipped,
closing the circle of thought.
poor first stanza must be tripped,
we're quite overwrought.
closing the circle of thought:
only with love will it bloom.
we're quite overwrought
that's how you write a panto
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 3 10
Literature
Translucence
the name you see
looks so very real
helped by thee
became stone and steel
the solid
impermeable
is a lie
looks so very real
it hides what is inside
became stone and steel
it will not be denied
filled with void
fey solidity
is our crutch
it hides what is inside
I am begging for some grace
it will not be denied
I am trying to replace
our dumb-show
is hiding is not
masks of god
I am begging for some grace
helped by thee
I am trying to replace
the name you see
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 4 3
Literature
presence in motion
to see a say
to say a sea
to night the day
to un and be
the sea that is
said is not the true sea
-- who can see truth?
to say a sea
to bleed a stone
to un and be
to write a tone
speaking the world
with voice, blood and being
-- who can say truth?
to bleed a stone
to know an un
to write a tone
to raze the sun
always seeking
we sail a stone ship
-- on the sea of truth
to know an un
to night the day
to raze the sun
to see a say
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 1 3
Literature
exodus
a dying star flares.
a shroud for emptied planets;
plasma sings in void.
our ark flees this photon dirge,
we pray it is not our own.

in distant skies
that shroud blooms brightly
-- promise of death
against the lethal light
a speck: the ark survived
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 1 1
Literature
Paradox
invisible --
the lines of the web
surround us
clear days hide the trap
dark nights may add dew
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 3 4
Literature
Squaring the circle
on moonlit plain
a solitary door
-- invitation
the monolith stands stark;
its dimensions tell tales.
it's full of stars
moon and plain now gone
-- we are story
journey, without sojourn,
outward toward the within.
trees see our souls
mountains climb to our peaks
-- thoughts grow deep roots
deep-rooted is weightless;
naught is ubiquitous.
hidden in naught
we float free from our roots
-- become our paths
returning to the source
we find holy union.
we touch on
a plain, strange yet near
-- plant a door
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 2 1
Literature
Would have been
no one sees
off in a corner
-- sad watcher
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 0 1
Literature
Heartbreaker
daily she
touches that old pen
-- not since used
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 4 4
Literature
Trickster Spirit
do tricksters ever
yearn for some simplicity?
too tangled to leave
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 5 5
Literature
Whispered answer
too small for a god
too many for death to kill all
tiny seeds of hope
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 1 3
Literature
Frost Maiden
no footprints, pure white
the trail is cars, cats and kings
buried deep in snow
even sound is frozen quiet
she would have loved company
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 4 4
Literature
Mule on Dock
The roses
whisper excitedly
what thorny riddles
will the mermaids pose?
The mermaids
giggle and wonder
how would Old Mule look
waving a pirate flag?
The fence
maintains a dignified silence
until the Moon rises
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 0 0
Literature
Awakening
the caterpillar
has the gift of chrysalis
dreams become truth
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 1 3
Literature
Beach
wrapped in sound of waves
sleep the slumber of the deep
-- water tickles toes
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 5 0
Literature
CRUD
born of need and
speaking and remembering
-- relationships
disappear one by one
and then the grave is cleared.
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 1 1
Literature
Phase shift
thoughts condense
and freeze into truth
changing me
:iconRobCarriere:RobCarriere
:iconrobcarriere:RobCarriere 4 1

Favourites

Literature
The forest is silent (Eng)
A veil of mist follows the path of the witch and the trees stand aside to her passage. Her powers allow her this and more.
On the river bank sleeps the fairy, her head resting on soft moss and her feet skim the water surface. The vegetation stretches out toward her, attracted by her power.
The witch observes the fairy and the forest is silent.
The ancient eyes of the witch alight on the fairy's hair, of an impossible colour between green and blue, so clear to take your breath, her gaze lingers on the white skin, so delicate that seems having to crumble at the slightest touch.
The witch stoops, approaching the fairy. She would like to wake her, to talk to her and confess what she feels. She stretches a hand to touch her, but something stops her. The witch withdraws her hand and stands up, dejected.
The witch turns, and slowly walks away. Even for today her love will remain a secret, but it doesn't matter, she'll be back tomorrow, and she'll find the fairy still there waiting for her. Th
:iconR-R-Eco:R-R-Eco
:iconr-r-eco:R-R-Eco 6 2
Literature
The Old Man of the Sea
Grandad’s description of the monster from the sea was pretty terrifying. Even more terrifying was the fact that it visited him every night and often during the day – or so he said. Why would a sea monster venture on to land I wondered but I didn't question this. As an impressionable five-year-old with an illusion that all adults told the truth, I was vastly in awe of Gramps and his ability to carry on with everyday life, knowing this invisible creature could spring on him any second. It would have meant a quick and horrible exit for Gramps and I often composed poems that I intended to read out at his funeral. These eulogies were quite often quite profound in some ways and terrible bad taste in others.  
One that I can remember went like this:
Old Gramps was tough – the monster found him hard to chew,
It spat him out a few times and I noticed Gramps went blue.
His head poked from the monster’s mouth, it was not a pretty sight
in spite of that I must admit Gr
:iconshelleypalmer:shelleypalmer
:iconshelleypalmer:shelleypalmer 8 8
Literature
reflective
sun's last touch
trees aflame 
with no fire
:iconArwynRie:ArwynRie
:iconarwynrie:ArwynRie 14 12
Literature
logos
i breathe in the cool night air,
lining my lungs with dead stars;
caught in rapture's holy snare,
i need not move to fly far.
lining my lungs with dead stars,
i exhale the breath of life;
i need not move to fly far,
stillness is wisdom's midwife.
i exhale the breath of life,
caught in rapture's holy snare;
stillness is wisdom's midwife...
i breathe in the cool night air.
:iconhaijinik:haijinik
:iconhaijinik:haijinik 12 6
Literature
Nightfall
On dragon's wings
fly through the darkest night
burn sand to crystals
:iconWeidenlied:Weidenlied
:iconweidenlied:Weidenlied 4 17
Literature
translucence
the name you see
looks so very real
helped by thee
became stone and steel
the solid
impermeable 
is a lie
looks so very real
it hides what is inside
became stone and steel
it will not be denied
filled with void
fey solidity
is our crutch
it hides what is inside
I am begging for some grace
it will not be denied
I am trying to replace
our dumb-show
is hiding is not
masks of god
I am begging for some grace
helped by thee
I am trying to replace
the name you see
:iconhaijinik:haijinik
:iconhaijinik:haijinik 5 5
Literature
alit
   cloudy night
if it weren't for fireflies
we'd have no stars
:iconArwynRie:ArwynRie
:iconarwynrie:ArwynRie 22 18
Literature
presence in motion
to see a say
to say a sea
to night the day
to un and be
the sea that is
said is not the true sea
-- who can see truth?
to say a sea
to bleed a stone
to un and be
to write a tone
speaking the world
with voice, blood and being
-- who can say truth?
to bleed a stone
to know an un
to write a tone
to raze the sun
always seeking
we sail a stone ship
-- on the sea of truth
to know an un
to night the day
to raze the sun
to see a say
:iconhaijinik:haijinik
:iconhaijinik:haijinik 1 0
Literature
exodus
a dying star flares.
a shroud for emptied planets;
plasma sings in void.
our ark flees this photon dirge,
we pray it is not our own.
in distant skies
the shroud blooms brightly
-- promise of death
against the lethal light
a speck: the ark survived
:iconhaijinik:haijinik
:iconhaijinik:haijinik 6 14
Literature
Renga Tree - Rising
   with each breath
the morning sun rises
   up my body
:iconsaiun:saiun
:iconsaiun:saiun 4 1
Literature
The Collector
In his pocket
he has the sunset's last rays
found at the river
On his windowsill he grows
flowers of hope and sunshine.
:iconWeidenlied:Weidenlied
:iconweidenlied:Weidenlied 3 3
Literature
squaring the circle
on moonlit plain
a solitary door
-- invitation
the monolith stands stark;
its dimensions tell tales.
it's full of stars
moon and plain now gone
-- we are story
journey, without sojourn,
outward toward the within.
trees see our souls
mountains climb to our peaks
-- thoughts grow deep roots
deep-rooted is weightless;
naught is ubiquitous.
hidden in naught
we float free from our roots
-- become our paths
returning to the source
we find holy union.
we touch on
a plain, strange yet near
-- plant a door
:iconhaijinik:haijinik
:iconhaijinik:haijinik 3 0
Literature
Renga Tree: A Broken Heart
his finger trails
dark spiderwebs
upon tear-stained letter
:iconShirokibo:Shirokibo
:iconshirokibo:Shirokibo 6 7
Literature
pruning back
concentrate.
snip carefully now;
word bonsai.
:iconhaijinik:haijinik
:iconhaijinik:haijinik 9 14
Literature
horizon meets sky
'the wild wind'
the scarecrow's daughter
consorting with bold ravens
earth's child loves the sky
forgetting about her kin
she rises on the wild wind
'the scarecrow's daughter'
nailed on a south-facing fence
out where horizon meets sky
her shadow follows the sun
frayed faded lips softly sigh
day by day slow years passing
the clouds and birds sailing by
bold ravens tell her wild tales
of a life living so high
her heart of straw is longing
not even saying goodbye
soon she will let it all go 
on a wild wind she will fly
'afterwards'
the wild wind carries
her empty straw heart away
handful by handful
nothing left but sun bleached rags
hanging from a rusty nail
:iconcattservant:cattservant
:iconcattservant:cattservant 14 10
Literature
The Man Who Married the Forest
He says not much time has passed, not much at all. But the tick of the clock is misleading when one steps into fairy-rings and dances with the dryads as the moon cavorts beneath night skies like sieves catching only the brightest of diamonds, the stars that beguile and mislead. There is an elegance in the way nature folds a single human into the forgetful embrace of shade-green sleep, leaving the mind to chase gold-dappled sprites from stump to mossy stump.
As the sun sails from Cancer to Capricorn and back again, the man who came untethered learns to fly with the heart of a sparrow.
:iconCaptain-Random:Captain-Random
:iconcaptain-random:Captain-Random 5 5

Groups

Activity


vroom, zoom
how do you write a pantoum?
boom, doom
watch that task loom

how do you write a pantoum?
first you set up the lines
watch that task loom
then find the rhymes

first you set up the lines
as many stanzas as you need
then find the rhymes
odds and evens, very neat

as many stanzas as you need
but end ties back to start.
odds and evens, very neat,
watching line length would be smart

but end ties back to start
and each to the one preceding.
watching line length would be smart
but it's not a rule, we're conceding

and each to the one preceding
even lines become odd.
but it's not a rule, we're conceding,
for the whole to have a plot

even lines become odd
except the last stanza is flipped
for the whole to have a plot
poor first stanza must be tripped!

except the last stanza is flipped,
closing the circle of thought.
poor first stanza must be tripped,
we're quite overwrought.

closing the circle of thought:
only with love will it bloom.
we're quite overwrought
that's how you write a pantoum

only with love will it bloom
boom, doom
that's how you write a pantoum!
vroom zoom
How to pan a toum
Silliness which tickles even more by being, I think and hope ;) a complete and correct instruction.

If you prefer clarity, you might try this tutorial: shokuga tutorial by haijinik :iconhaijinik:.

Edit: While I learned of the form by way of the shokuga, Haijinik pointed out that he actually has a pantoum tuturial: pantoum tutorial. Please don't tell him I never noticed! :blush: ;) :blush:
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the name you see
looks so very real
helped by thee
became stone and steel

the solid
impermeable
is a lie

looks so very real
it hides what is inside
became stone and steel
it will not be denied

filled with void
fey solidity
is our crutch

it hides what is inside
I am begging for some grace
it will not be denied
I am trying to replace

our dumb-show
is hiding is not
masks of god

I am begging for some grace
helped by thee
I am trying to replace
the name you see
Translucence
A shokuga witten in collaboration with haijinik :iconhaijinik:. The pantoum is mine and the senryu are his. (You can find a shokuga tutorial in the artist's comments of his version.)

I've been really enjoying collaborating with him. In this case, I was a little worried that my pantoum was too specific for a good collaborative effort, but he made a really nice weft to my warp!

His version is here: translucence. If you like the poem, be sure to tell him!

Haijinik, thanks! It is fun to write poems with you.
Loading...
to see a say
to say a sea
to night the day
to un and be

the sea that is
said is not the true sea
-- who can see truth?

to say a sea
to bleed a stone
to un and be
to write a tone

speaking the world
with voice, blood and being
-- who can say truth?

to bleed a stone
to know an un
to write a tone
to raze the sun

always seeking
we sail a stone ship
-- on the sea of truth

to know an un
to night the day
to raze the sun
to see a say
presence in motion
A collaboration with haijinik :iconhaijinik: His version is here: presence in motion. The pantoum is his and the senryu are mine. This is a very interesting form; when you collaborate on a shokuga, the pantoum has to be written all at once and then the haiku or senryu have to be woven in between the pantoum stanzas, making the process different from the more usual "you do a stanza, I do a stanza" approach.

Another really nice collaboration -- I think we've been doing some cool stuff together and the process feels good too! Thank you!
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a dying star flares.
a shroud for emptied planets;
plasma sings in void.

our ark flees this photon dirge,
we pray it is not our own.



in distant skies
that shroud blooms brightly
-- promise of death

against the lethal light
a speck: the ark survived
exodus
A double tanka. The first one, in italics, is haijinik's :iconhaijinik:. The second is my response.

Haijinik's version is here: exodus. If you like the poem, be sure to tell him!
Loading...
invisible --
the lines of the web
surround us

clear days hide the trap
dark nights may add dew
Paradox
Submitted for the 2017 January Renga Tree Stamp by saiun (2017 January Renga Tree: Open) by the :iconthe-haiku-club:

In response to Sticky by Weidenlied :iconweidenlied:

The Renga Tree wants to grow bigger! Please respond with a haiku of your own. The details are in the journal I linked above.
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Journal

No journal entries yet.

deviantID

RobCarriere
Rob Carrière
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Netherlands

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconr-r-eco:
R-R-Eco Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the +fav!
Reply
:iconrobcarriere:
RobCarriere Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconshelleypalmer:
shelleypalmer Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fave on the Old Man of the Sea. Glad you enjoyed!
Reply
:iconrobcarriere:
RobCarriere Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome and yes indeed, I did really enjoy it!
Reply
:iconhaijinik:
haijinik Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2017  Student Writer
thanks, for the newest, broseph!
Reply
:iconrobcarriere:
RobCarriere Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. Sorry for fav-and-running. :)
Reply
:iconhaijinik:
haijinik Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2017  Student Writer
t'wernt nuthin ;)
Reply
:iconcaptain-random:
Captain-Random Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2017  Professional Writer
Many thanks for the favourite :D
Reply
:iconspite-sire:
Spite-Sire Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2017
Nice gallery. x]
Reply
:iconrobcarriere:
RobCarriere Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!

I like yours too.
Reply
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